Posted on: 03 February, 2003

Author: Mike Pilinski

========================================="You Became a Social Coward by Accident"-- by Mike Pilinski --(c) 2002 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved ========================================="You Became a Social Coward by Accident"-- by Mike Pilinski --(c) 2002 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved I'll bet the following statement is true for any guy reading thiswho doesn't do well with the ladies: You don't really understandwhat it is you're doing WRONG that makes you so unattractive towomen... for the *exact same reason* that "Casanova" whoscores left and right with them doesn't understand what he'sdoing RIGHT. Huh? Read that again if you have to. Both YOU andCasanova are essentially clueless as to why you ended up theway that you are in terms of your skill levels (or lack there of)when it comes to charming and seducing women. Of course,Mr. Casanova isn't unhappy about his situation, right? But yousure are. Theory Time: I believe that both sets of behaviors which lieat opposite ends of the spectrum are the result of accidents thatoccurred when you were both just beginning to notice girls in adifferent light (sexually)... sheer random incidents which involvedelements of good or bad luck, and nothing more. It went like this: YOUR first trial and error experiencesoccurred with a girl that simply DIDN'T LIKE YOU (probablybecause of personal issues that had nothing to do with you, butso what?) You thus ended up with a completely negativereinforcement of your early efforts at seduction and socialization.This awkward and possibly *shameful* first try at romancerobbed you of the critical early confidence you needed to keep onexperimenting and practicing your skills. It kicked off adescending spiral of inaccurate behaviors that led to more andmore failures with women as time passed, further stunting yoursocial development. More failure resulted in a complete loss of confidence,growing social ineptitude and a withdrawal from the game offlirting and even attempting to seduce women. Your behavioralchanges might've progressed to episodes of delusionalthinking, dark fantasies, etc. In other words, your *character*changed to make it even less likely that you could successfullyinteract with women, and voila'... a "nerd" was born. Casanova, on the other hand -- due to simple GOOD fortuneand nothing else -- may've tried the exact same moves duringhis adolescence just as you did, but HE happened to choose agirl that LIKED him, and therefore responded to his fumbling firstefforts favorably. Get the picture?... a positive reaction to theexact same inept moves that you made! Merely because ofrandom good luck, he happened to choose to work a girl whoresponded to him in an emotionally reinforcing way. This "big break" (that you didn't get) gave Casanovaconfidence AND positive social feedback -- which furtherprovided a laboratory to fine tune his behaviors. Perhaps heeven grew up in an environment that supported or encouragedthose initial experimental behaviors -- a supportive oldersister or a female friend that he could talk to in confidencewhenever he needed advice? Someone to make the femalepsyche seem less mysterious and intimidating? You, on theother hand, may've grown up in an all-male environment wherewomen seemed remote and unfathomable. Possibly your everymove in this arena was met with scorn or ridicule whenever youactually tried to act, making you even more gun shy. You learned to associate fear and paralysis with the idea ofcourting a woman. Anyway, here's my point: Your downward turn could've justas easily have been an upward turn had your luck been goodinstead of bad with those first experiences. I believe that thiselement of LUCK is more pivotal in our lives that most of usrealize. The timing of the luck is critical. It sets the stage forthe interplay of key events upon which your self-image ismanufactured in fits and starts. You see, there is really nofundamental difference between the Social Casanova and theSocial Coward. Both are simply the end result of being turned indifferent directions at a critical point in their lives. Stated differently, your current status as a social coward isall "nurture" (or in your case, lack of it...) and NOT "nature". Youout there reading this trying to find some edge with women areno more genetically programmed to fail socially than theCasanova is to succeed... you both simply LEARNED how to doit as you traveled along divergent social-life paths. Think about it... What if that first nervous reach for affectionhad gone differently? What if that first girl you ever asked outhad said yes and became your "girlfriend" instead of laughing inyour face and running off to tell her friends what a loser youwere? Imagine how your social skills and confidence would'veimproved over the subsequent months and years if that time hadbeen spent in social interaction (good, bad or ugly) with womeninstead of social isolation? It would've given you a wholedifferent concept of yourself and made you an entirely differentperson than you are today. And to think that it all turned on that one damned UN-luckyfirst break! It's time to stop handing random chance the power to directyour destiny. Time to make a course correction back into theworld of the living (and the socializing). There are techniques tomake it easier than you might think, but it all begins with adecision not to let the faded echo of a long-ago negative eventcontinue to shape your life. And until you make that decision,nothing will ever really change for you.========================================= Article Tags: Social Coward Source: Free Articles from