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Posted on: 08 June, 2002

Author: Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.

The title of this article is likely to provoke many ... ... sarcasms etc., as many people falsely believe that sex, ... the soul are at opposite ends of a ... It is inc The title of this article is likely to provoke many feelings, thoughts, sarcasms etc., as many people falsely believe that sex, spirituality,and the soul are at opposite ends of a continuum. It is incredibly sad that something so beautiful and intrinsic in our nature is so poorlyunderstood and completely obliterated in our society. Most of us are taught from an early age that the body is dirty, sex is bad and thatwe shouldn’t touch our genitals. Somewhere along the line we developed this inaccurate perception that sex and spirituality are separateand that in order to be spiritual you need to be asexual and that you are a better person if you divorce yourself from your sexual energy,feelings, desires, and needs and that spirituality is somehow superior to sexuality. These attitudes are in complete contradiction to what is natural and healthy. It is like cutting off one of your legs and trying to run. Weare taught to suppress our sexuality and to feel shame for being a sexual being and therefore this creates the problematic patterns we seeassociated with sex in our society such as excessive sex partners, violence, dissatisfaction with ones sex life, sexual confusion,degradation, incest, addiction that are practically an epidemic. We have created a society with two sexual extremes and very few peopleare able to find a healthy medium. At one end we have people with very few or no limits where meaningless sex, addiction, violence,rape, incest, degradation etc. occurs and at the other end we have people with very rigid limits who are afraid of sex, who areuncomfortable even talking about it, who don’t know even know what arouses them, who think it is dirty and bad and should be hiddenand or not engaged in. The common thread in both of these extremes is shame. People at both ends of the continuum are experiencingshame but exhibit it in different ways. These are prime examples of what happens when we disconnect our soul from our sexual selves. One of the factors that cause sex to create such great difficulty in our relationships is because sexual energy and spiritual energy feel verysimilar. Sometimes it is difficult to tell the two apart. They often overlap. Because our society doesn’t encourage awareness orunderstanding of either one of these energies we are left to try and figure them out ourselves and in our ignorance we develop patternsthat are unhealthy. Sex is very spiritual and spirituality can feel very sexual at times. I also believe this is one of the factors that makessex addictive, as I believe all addictions are really a search for the spiritual. Addictive substances and activities give us that incrediblewhole, at one with the universe, complete, euphoric feeling that spirituality makes us feel. Because it feels so wonderful, we want to feelit over and over so we keep doing the substance or activity. After awhile we need more and more of the substance or activity to havethe same feeling. We are not taught that these incredible spiritual feelings can be achieved on a regular basis through developing deephealthy relationships with the universe, others and ourselves. Sex is not bad, dirty, unhealthy and the root of these problems. It is the separation of sex from our souls and suppression of sexualenergy that creates these problems. It is the lack of understanding and awareness of our sexual energy and the ignorance that that thiscreates that causes to act in ways that our troublesome and destructive. Being taught to suppress and divorce our sexual energyseparates us from a vital piece of our spirituality. Our whole survival is dependant upon sex as well as being one of the most pleasurableexperiences we can have and one of the most spiritual experiences one can have when in the context of love and respect. Sexuality is acore ingredient of our spiritual make up. By continually trying to suppress sexuality we are only throwing fuel on the fire. The solutionis to explore and embrace our sexual energy, thoughts, feelings, and fantasies. Reclaim our sexuality and reconnect it to our souls. Getit out in the open. Part of the reason destructive sexual forces have so much power is because of the suppression and shame. Problemsloose their power when brought out in the open and dealt with directly. So how do we shed ourselves of years of negative conditioning and develop a healthier attitude, reconnect our souls with our sexualityand celebrate our sexual selves. Well to begin with and to ensure that our next generation will be a more sexually enlightened group ofpeople we start by teaching our children. From a very early age we help them to develop a healthy appreciation and respect for theirbodies and promote a healthy attitude towards masturbation. We talk freely and openly with them about sex without shame. Weencourage them to talk to us and ask questions. We teach them the difference between healthy and unhealthy sex. We teach them thatsex is human, healthy and sacred and not just a physical act. My personal belief is that healthy soul-satisfying sex takes place between two people who connect on many levels and do or are on theirway to care about each other. In my experience the deeper the relationship and the deeper the spiritual connection is then the morefantastic and spiritual the sex will be. Healthy spiritual sex can also occur by yourself if you are without partner by deepening yourrelationship with yourself. Meaningless or casual sex usually results in feelings of emptiness, unfulfillment, and shame. It takes usfurther away from our souls and leaves us searching for more in someone else. In my opinion, great sex requires, deep spiritualconnections, deep intellectual connections, communication and as the relationship evolves trust will become an issue. Sometimes wemeet someone and have an instant attraction. In this instance great sex can occur quickly, but if deepening of the spiritual and intellectualconnection, communication and trust are not nurtured then this attraction will diminish and die. These things can only be developed overtime and therefore the deeper the trust, the connection and communication is then the less inhibitions we will have and the freer we willbecome in enjoying our sexual experiences. The sex will become even more explosive and we will be able achieve new heights ofpassion and fulfillment we didn’t know existed. The depth of relationships has no limit except those that we bring to it with our ownfears and issues and therefore if we allow the relationship to grow and deepen there will always be another higher level of great sex to beachieved. I understand that many people are comfortable with casual sex and that especially in adolescents, young adulthood and phases ofadulthood such as after divorce that it may be necessary to experiment , retaliate or be reckless to find ones way and learn. Ultimately Ibelieve that what we find is that the most fulfilling sex is that which is explored with someone we care about, but we may have to godown many roads and go through many experiences to learn this for ourselves. So while we are on this journey or when we are withour loving partner I believe there are basic tenets we should teach our children and abide by ourselves to promote spiritual, respectful,ethical sex. Those tenets are: · Respect · Neither party should be hurt physically · No coercion · Honesty · Both parties should agree upon the activity engaged in · Communication · Both parties should want the same result. (Ex. If you are looking for just sex then you should not have sex with someone you know islooking for a relationship. ) Other steps you can take to continue to celebrate your sexuality may include beginning to tell yourself different messages. Tell yourselfthat sex is great, wonderful, good and spiritual. Find some good books on healthy sexuality and erotica and read, read, read. Visit somewebsites. Do everything you can to educate yourself. It will probably take a long time to override the old voices in your head and youmay need to hear the new messages over and over. It may be helpful to talk to someone like an advisor or an educator to help validateyour new messages. Try to find friends who are on the journey of understanding their sexuality or who are comfortable with sex that youcan share this aspect of yourself with freely. Explore your own body and discover what you like and what you don’t. Find what excites you and what doesn’t. What feels good andwhat doesn’t. Make love with yourself. If you have a partner, let your partner know what you need and want and when you becomecomfortable with it, then allow your partner to watch you while you fulfill yourself. This can be very arousing for both partners and itteaches you both new things about each other’s bodies. Be adventurous. Be aware. Be present in the here and now. Allow yourself to become immersed in the sexual experience. Openyourself up and fully experience each touch, sensation, smell, movement, sound and taste while you are making love with yourself oryour lover. Tune into your body and soul and listen to the yearnings of your soul; they will guide you. Be willing to try new thingseven if they feel foreign or scary. Get naked outside and make wild passionate love. Personally I believe that there is not anything more arousing and spiritual than to benaked outside and make love with the feel of the elements upon your body. There is something incredibly freeing about it and it elicitsuninhibited passions. It takes you back to the primal basics. This can be done either by yourself or with partner. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. This cannot be emphasized enough. Talk to your lover about your feelings, needs,wants. Express your fears, inhibitions and embarrassments as well as your fantasies and expectations. If you are without partner thenget to know yourself completely from the inside out. Not only will this enhance your sexual experience, but will make life more fulfillingin general and if the time comes to be with a partner again then you will be a better lover and better able to enjoy the experience fully. If you are with partner then get to know yourself and your lover from the inside out. Sex is one of the most powerful spiritual experiences we can experience. It should be celebrated and honored for the magnificent gift thatit is. Reclaim your sexuality. Experience the wonder and joy of soul-satisfying sex. Your soul will thank you. Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com