Posted on: 24 June, 2003

Author: Michael Myerscough

It’s never about the sex.In my work with ... it became very clear to me that people’s feelings aboutthe quality of their sexual ... is a ... guide to the quality of ... It’s never about the sex.In my work with relationships, it became very clear to me that people’s feelings aboutthe quality of their sexual relationship is a fantastic guide to the quality of theirrelationship. My work is about opening up a conversation that needs to happen forgrowth to occur. Whether that’s between me and my client or my client and theirpartner, it’s always beneficial. I know that a relationship isn’t purely about the sex butit does tend to be the first thing to give way when a couple starts to struggle. Themistake that most of us make, myself included, is then to get fixated on the sex beingthe issue. It rarely is, in fact some people have gone as far as to suggest that it’s neverabout the sex.In preparing for a seminar, I was trying to find a good way to illustrate how great sexis 95% behaviour and 5% technique and I was reminded of a piece of research I cameacross regarding first impressions. One of the things I coach people on is dating skillsand a client recently asked me “ How do I make a good impression, what do I say?”Talk about barking up the wrong tree. Do you know that 64% of what peopleperceive about you is how you look as you say what you say, 30% is how you saywhat you say and only 6% is what you say? Yet many of us obsess about what weshould say or worse, what we did say. Relax, no one is really listening, they’re toobusy checking out your shoes.So back to sex…when the relationship begins to get stuck in a power struggle (andthis is a natural occurrence) the sex begins to tail off and we start looking for themanuals about how to make sex great again. It’s pretty much a total waste of time toapproach it this way and generally leads to greater resentment and frustration. A betterapproach is to suspend judgment for a while and ask yourself if it isn’t about the sexwhat’s really going on?Which brings me to my tag line ‘There’s more to sex than just sex!’ Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com