Posted on: 22 October, 2004
Author: Susan Dunn, MA, Life Coach
Only about 1% of married men who have affairs leave their wives, and many men cheat on their wives. With the ... theres even more chance to be elusive in the early stages. Of course youre conc Only about 1% of married men who have affairs leave their wives, and many men cheat on their wives. With the Internet, theres even more chance to be elusive in the early stages. Of course youre concerned and want to know if that guy you just met whos coming on to you so delightfully is married before you get involved. But how can you be sure he isnt married and just fooling around?Make no mistake, married men who are fooling around can be wonderfully attentive and romantic. He can be emailing you and calling you on his cell all day long, filling your hungry heart with the wildest affirmations youve ever dreamed of, showering you with gifts, and making rapturous love to you when you get together. It can be the stuff of which fantasies are made and heres why: to him it IS a fantasy.If youve experienced it, youll wonder how a man could do that to his wife. Thats a topic for another article. Meanwhile, its important not to delude yourself.Here are 10 ways to know hes cheating on his wife:1.Youre suspicious. If you generically suspect every man you meet of this, its a prejudice and not worth much. However, if you suddenly get suspicious about the individual man youre dealing with, then trust your instincts. Where theres smoke theres fire. 2.His tone of voice gets guarded or he wont make eye contact and is evasive when certain topics come up like family, children, vacations, where he lives, etc.3.He insists that all contact be on his terms only. He gives some reason why you must only call him at work or on his cell. Disregard the reason. They can be ingenious about this and if youre love-daffy, youll find a way to rationalize his particular excuse. Dont. 4.You ask for his home phone number and he refuses to give it to you. Again, disregard the reason. 5.His hearts not on the line. You sense an imbalance of vulnerability, and this is intuitive. When two available people are dating, both presumably are anxious for it to work out, and are equally at-risk. When youre playing for keeps and hes just playing, he wont care as much about how youre getting along. He has the security of the marriage and nothing to lose but an exciting good time.6.Theres a white line on the fourth finger of his left hand, a tan-line from where his wedding ring usually is, and is not when hes with you. Or theres the outline of a ring in his shirt pocket. 7.He isnt fully disclosing when it would seem appropriate. He alludes to things hell tell you about later. 8.He gives strange reasons for not wanting to go to certain places (like your favorite restaurant). You first met him at a dance hall (where hes known and someone might tell his wife) and after that every place he takes you to is in another county. (There's a part of town he definitely avoids. Guess why?)9.He seems strangely addicted to paying for restaurants, motels, resorts, and airplane tickets in cash rather than by credit card. 10.He is never available on Sundays. In some cultures, and with many men, Saturday night may be Boys Night Out, but Sunday is strictly family time. Ditto for holidays. This is part of that peculiar male honor code: OK to cheat. But not on July 4th. Thats family time. Your surest guide is your gut instinct. Keep three meta-points in mind.POINT ONE: What he says and doesnt say. Anything you sense as secretive should set off alarms. Lovers in a developing relationship disclose more as time goes by. The married gigolo discloses up to a point and thats it. POINT TWO: His aplomb. No matter how self-confident a man is, if hes available and romancing a woman he cares about, hell show moments of anxiety and confusion. But a married man whos dating is coasting. With the security of a wife back home, whats to stress over? POINT THREE: The sex is the best youve ever had. Nothing stokes a mans fire like forbidden love unless its forbidden love that carries no threat of the c word. Keep your head about you. If you find out hes married and confront him about it and he says hell divorce her, dont count on it. The odds are strongly against you. Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com